2005
I was living in Dallas, writing music, and playing the occasional show. I had a good band comprised of greater friends and we were out to make it big. “Walk The Line”, the Johnny Cash bio pic, was released, I watched it in the theatre, and came out entertained. I liked it but had no idea what it really stood for. I still don’t really know for a fact what it stands for but I do finally have experience that helps me understand the title.
2010
I’ve been a full time touring artist for two years now, writing on a daily basis, playing up to four times a week, falling more in love with my work everyday, and hoping desperately to contribute to the shaping of my culture. My job is wonderful and filled with amazing experiences. After I explain to folks what I do, the most common response is “you’re living the dream”. Many of you reading this think this about my life and although yes, I am living a dream, it’s not all lollipops and rainbows.
The gig is hard and very trying on my soul.
This goes for any artist.
2009
Michael Jackson passed away.
Michael has gone down in history as the greatest performer to ever live. He was a genius and reinvented the way you and I approach pop music. His shows were off the charts explosive. He not only knew music front to back but he knew how to connect and ultimately, make us move. I don’t care what “genre” you listen to, when you hear a Michael Jackson tune you know it. And let’s be honest, you move.
We dance, we sing along, and it honestly just feels so damn good.
But… Michael changed his appearance in drastic ways, he locked himself away from the world, and he was caught up in a couple complicated scandals.
Did this all stem from who he was as a person or did this stem from who he became because of his work?
(I will need your patience for this discussion.)
I didn’t know Michael but I don’t think it’s bold of me to say that he lost sight of who he was IN his work.
I was raised in a wonderful, loving, and supportive family. I was taught to be strong, to follow my dreams, and to be an honest God-fearing man. My folks are still together (and are madly in love) after 27 years, and all my siblings are beautiful, creative, and (frankly) bad ass people.
Then there is me.
Like I said, I’ve been on the road full time for two years now. Many days of my week I wake up asking myself “how did I get here?”.
I have at least three drinks a night. I am a full time smoker. I was unfaithful to the love of my life multiple times. I’ve learned to lie through, cheat in, and manipulate almost every situation I’ve found myself in. These things are just the surface.
By no means am I blaming my behavior on my what I’ve chosen to do for my living… but then again, I am.
Walk
The
Line.
There is a fine line that all of us walk. A line that separates the dream that we crave from the reality that we need. Both sides are crucial to our make up but living only one side will become our downfall.
This tiny little line holds our lives in balance and though it can destroy us, it is everything we need.
I long to be the greatest writer. But at what cost? Never love anyone fully? Miss out on the simple joys of life?
I long to be a great man. But at what cost? Forfeit my dreams?
Is there a way to be both?
These questions haunt me daily and I wonder if I will ever know the answer.
It is simultaneously both beautiful and tragic what art does to its creator.
I say this not only as an artist but from what I know about God.
I’m not Johnny Cash. I’m not Michael Jackson. I only know a glimpse into their lives. But I do worry about my life in the coming years. If I continue down this road of life in the same way I have these past two years who will I become?
Please know this is not a depressing post. I’m not crying right now. I’m only painting a picture of what I know to be true.
Balance.
I pray for balance in my own life and I hope you pray for the same in yours.
Whether you know it or not you are walking the line. Some of us will stay on it and others of us will fall to one side.
Stay the course friends. Know the Truth. Pray for me as I seek It as well.
Be well. See you soon.
David
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